


True Prank War

by WinterSky101



Series: Pranking Pranksters [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Friendship, Gen, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2015-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-05 04:10:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4165260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSky101/pseuds/WinterSky101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the playful pranking between the Marauders and Lily becomes a True Prank War. (The rest of Gryffindor House has the good sense to flee.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	True Prank War

When Remus pranked people, he tended to plan it out well in advance. He went for elaborate pranks that required intellect and preparation and research.

Which was why, in a (fairly successful) attempt to catch everyone off guard, the prank he played on the other Marauders and Lily during the height of their Prank War was inane, insipid, and entirely brilliant in its simplicity.

Remus grinned into his pillow when he heard Sirius' horrified yell. "What has happened to my hair?" he shrieked - although, of course, if asked, he would deny that the sound had been anything so unmanly as a shriek. Remus peeked out off the crack in his curtains to watch the fallout, hoping to stay out of it for as long as possible. As he watched, James sat up blearily, feeling around for his glasses and freezing as he put them on.

"You're  _bald_ ," he declared, sounding entirely too pleased.

Remus couldn't see Sirius, but he doubted that he appreciated the statement. "So are you!" Sirius retorted. James clapped his hands to his head in horror.

"So am I!" Peter called. He sounded less upset than the others, but unlike Sirius and James, Peter wasn't ridiculously vain when it came to his hair.  _He_  had never holed up in the bathroom for an hour, making the others late for class, a dubious honor both Sirius and James could lay claim to. Remus hadn't expected him to be as affected by the prank, but for the sake of continuity, he'd decided to hit Peter with it as well.

Remus heard angry footsteps approach his bed and immediately closed his eyes, deciding that faking sleep was the best plan. His grip on his wand, hidden under his pillow, tightened.

"Moony, you absolute  _bastard_!" Sirius shouted, tearing open the curtains. Remus failed to stifle his laugh, abandoning his pretense of sleep, and looked up. Sirius looked ridiculous without his over-styled hair. Remus noted with a hint of pride that the spell had spared his eyebrows. He'd had to tweak the original curse he'd found, which was intended to get rid of all of the hair everywhere on the victim's body. The alterations had worked perfectly, it seemed.

"That's a good look for you," Remus teased. Sirius looked murderous as he drew his wand. "Ah, ah, ah," Remus cautioned, shaking his head. "Remember the rules of a Marauders Prank War. No dueling allowed."

"You and your rules," Sirius muttered, but he stashed his wand anyway.

"Oh, James?" Remus called as he stood, grabbing his clothes and heading over to the bathroom. "You might get a bit of a shock at breakfast."

"A bigger shock than  _this_?" James cried. Peter's eyes lit up as he understood. Remus winked at him, hoping he'd keep quiet. It would be much more fun to watch James' reaction when he got down to the Great Hall and found out for himself.

"How long is this going to last?" Peter asked.

Remus shrugged. "A day. Have fun." He closed the door quickly, barely missing the Jelly-Legs Curse Sirius sent flying at him, the no-dueling rule be damned. Laughing, Remus dressed quickly and fled the dormitory as quickly as he could.

"Remus John Lupin!" an irate voice screeched. Remus couldn't help but flinch. He'd never been on the receiving end of that voice before, although he honestly should have seen it coming. Lily looked no less fierce than she usually did with her hair gone. In fact, she looked more terrifying than normal, although that could possibly have been attributed to the fact that her wand was drawn and pointed directly at Remus.

Quickly, Remus threw up a Shield Charm, backing away as Lily began hurling jinxes and curses at him. The rest of the occupants of the Common Room quietly left, which was probably for the best.

Well, no one ever said pranking wasn't dangerous. Remus wished Lily knew of the no-dueling rule, but honestly, he should have expected this.

* * *

Being in Animagus form was nothing you could describe to someone who hadn't experienced it. It wasn't that Sirius forgot that he was actually a human when he was in his dog form - he always knew. It was just that, sometimes, the still-unfamiliar sensations of being a dog made it hard to focus on the task at hand.

Sirius shook himself, his tail wagging furiously.  _Come on,_  he told himself sternly. It wasn't often that he was stern with himself, but he had a plan, and he was going to follow through with it. He had to do it before the others got back from breakfast. He'd told them that he had to finish up his homework and would thus be missing the meal himself. He mourned his personal loss of a perfectly good breakfast, but it was unavoidable.

Remus' homework was tucked away neatly in his bag. Sirius pawed at it until it came out - he could have transformed back to his human form, but he didn't bother - and began chewing it. The parchment tasted terrible, but he managed to swallow it down. He only ate the Transfiguration assignment - answering a few questions McGonagall had assigned - and left the History of Magic essay untouched. He knew that destroying one of Remus' essays would only get him jinxed so badly he wouldn't be out of the Hospital Wing for a week, and anyway, he wasn't  _that_  cruel.

Next came James' bag, which was much less organized than Remus'. His questions, Sirius noted absently, were only half finished. He'd probably planned to complete the assignment after breakfast. Sirius supposed he was almost doing him a favor in making sure he didn't have to do any such thing. He doubted James would see it that way, but that was beside the point. The point of a Prank War wasn't to be kind to the others, and Sirius felt he was being more than kind enough by leaving the essays alone.

Peter's assignment was completed, but significantly shorter than Remus'. It was spread out across his bed, instead of in his bag. He'd finished it just before he went down to breakfast; the ink was barely dry when Sirius chewed it up. He let his tongue hang out, making a mental note to have a glass of water after he finished his prank to get the taste of parchment out of his mouth.

Sirius settled in the middle of the room, curling up and thinking the best he could while still in his dog form. He didn't want to leave Lily's assignment unscathed, but he couldn't get to the girls' dormitory, even in his dog form. He'd tried before, but all his efforts had been in vain. He would have to figure something else out.

Shrugging the best he could as a dog, Sirius transformed back to human. It took a moment to readjust to his new form, but once he felt normal again, Sirius grabbed his wand. He wasn't sure it would work, but it was worth a try. " _Accio_  Evans' Transfiguration homework!" For a moment, nothing happened. Then Sirius heard a noise and looked up to see that it was Lily's homework, outside the window, trying to get in. Sirius grinned as he grabbed it and transformed back to dog form.

It wasn't until they got to Transfiguration that any of the others realized the unfortunate fate of their homework - even James, who hadn't ever gotten around to finishing his. Remus was the first to discover it was missing, going white and rummaging desperately in his bag. "Moony?" James asked quietly, sounding confused. "Is something wrong?"

"I can't find my Transfiguration answers," he hissed.

James' eyes went wide. "I never finished mine!" he whispered, digging through his own bag, only to discover that his paper was also no where to be found.

"Everyone hand in your answers, please," McGonagall stated. Everyone got up except James, Remus, Peter, and Lily. "Is there a reason the four of you have no homework to hand in?" McGonagall asked, raising an eyebrow. "I would expect this of you, Mr. Potter, but not of you, Mr. Lupin, nor you, Miss Evans."

"I think the dog ate their homework," Sirius said with a wicked grin.

James had to physically restrain Remus from going over to Sirius and punching him. Sirius knew that, once the class was done, he was in for it.

It was totally worth it.

* * *

Peter had made his potion properly - he was sure of it - but getting the others to drink it would be more difficult this time around than it had been before. With the Prank War in full swing, both Remus and Lily had taken to muttering spells over their cups to be sure that there was nothing but regular pumpkin juice in them, James had decided to take after Alastor Moody's supposed habit of only drinking out of a hip flask, and Sirius poured some of his drink into everyone else's goblets before taking a sip himself. In light of that, Peter had been admittedly stumped as to how he would get the others to drink the potion he'd made.

Then Remus and Lily had fallen asleep after studying practically until on the couch in the Common Room, and Peter suddenly had the  _perfect_  idea.

All it took for the potion to take effect was a few drops. It didn't take too much effort to put tiny amounts into everyone's open, sleeping mouths. Peter grinned as he Vanished the vial of potion.

This was going to be fun.

"This isn't Peter's doing!" Peter heard James yell from upstairs later that morning, followed by Sirius angrily shouting, "I love you, Peter!" Smirking, Peter flipped to the next page in his Care of Magical Creatures reading. The rest of the Common Room began to empty, the other Gryffindors knowing better than to get in the middle of a Marauders Prank War.

Remus blearily began to wake up on the couch, looking around. "Lily, keep sleeping," he told Lily as he shook her shoulder gently, his eyes going wide as he realized what he'd said.

"Remus, keep shaking me," Lily grumbled. Then her eyes shot open and she jerked upright, realizing that what she had said was the opposite of what she'd meant.

The exact opposite, actually.

"Peter, you wonderful person!" Remus shouted, the glare on his face countering his words. "You didn't do this!"

"It was a pretty simple potion, actually," Peter replied, looking up from his textbook. "The hard part was getting you to drink it. But it all worked out in the end."

"I'm not going to kill you," Lily hissed.

Peter shrugged. "Remus, you told Lily about the Marauders Prank War rules, right? No dueling people over pranks. The only recourse can be other pranks in return."

"Oh, don't trust me, there will be a horrible prank coming your way," Lily snarled. Peter would have felt a lot more threatened had the words come out the way Lily had intended.

"Pete, you're the best," James complained as he came down the stairs, closely followed by Sirius.

Peter shrugged. "Maybe you could stay quiet today."

"We can't make an antidote," Remus suggested.

Peter shook his head. "No antidote. It wears off after twenty four hours, since all our pranks seem to last a day only."

"Peter, I love to say it, but you're stupid," Sirius said with grudging admiration in his voice. Peter grinned widely when he reversed the statement and realized what Sirius meant.

"I try my best," he replied with a dramatic bow. Everyone rolled their eyes, but no one tried to jinx Peter, so he'd gotten off better than the others so far.

* * *

James had spent  _days_  trying to think of the perfect prank.

He didn't want it to be anything too extravagant - there was too much of a chance of something going wrong, and anyway, it was always Sirius who would make the plans way more extravagant than they needed to be and then Remus who would figure out if and how that could end up actually working. Overly extravagant wasn't really James' style. He had an appreciation for the simpler things, like shooting a Trip Jinx at someone walking in the front of a crowd (normally a crowd of Slytherins) and watching everyone else fall like a line of dominos.

But James had to do a good prank. He couldn't let the others take all the glory in this Prank War. It had to be impressive.

And then, James realized, it didn't have to be, not really. He actually had the perfect prank idea already. It was stupid, but amusing, and best of all, he knew Sirius wouldn't be expecting it at all, and he still had to get Sirius back for hitting him with that Tickling Charm.

The spell was surprisingly simple. James only had to search in the library for half an hour to find it. Apparently, there was a demand for cursing people into speaking only in bad poetry, as James actually found three potential curses. Grinning, he chose the most potent of the three.

Maybe Sirius hadn't thought much of the prank when James had suggested it, but James was pretty sure he'd have a bit more respect for it when he was the victim.

This was going to be fun.

"Ugh," Sirius groaned the next morning, unaware that he was already under the spell. James waited under his covers with crossed fingers. "I hate going to class, I'd rather play out in the grass."

James did a silent fist pump as a stunned silence filled the dormitory.

"Why are you speaking in rhyme, you don't do that all the time," Remus asked, clapping his hands over his mouth in shock.

"This is really weird, why has this curse appeared?" Peter asked.

Suddenly, Sirius grabbed his wand and marched over to James' bed, glaring. "I'm going to curse you so much, you'll need to use a crutch!" he shouted, waving his wand in James' direction.

"Did you curse Lily too, or did she pass through?" Remus asked. He frowned in puzzlement and added, "That didn't make sense, this curse is an offense."

James smirked. "Yes, I hit Lily too," he replied. To his surprise, Remus burst out laughing.

"You're in for a surprise, that wasn't very wise," Peter counseled.

"She'll never say yes, not after this mess," Sirius added. James slowly closed his mouth on his protests.

They were right. Damn it, they were right.

"Mates, I may have screwed up," James declared. Normally, such a statement would immediately get him the help and support of the other Marauders (if interspersed with a lot of teasing).

Unfortunately, considering he'd just cursed all of them as well, no such support was forthcoming.

"Have fun, mate, this will be  _great_ ," Sirius replied, sounding far too excited about James' upcoming death at the hands of the woman he loved.

"I'd wish you good luck, but you're gonna get struck," Peter added.

Remus had finally stopped laughing - the traitorous bastard - and grinned at James. "She's gonna kill you, and have fun with it too," he told him.

James was beginning to think that the best thing for him to do was to hide out in the dormitory until the curse passed.

Unfortunately, hiding wouldn't save him after all. James found out that fact five minutes later, when the door burst open and a furious Lily entered, not bothering to speak and instead just pulling out her wand.

The others did nothing to help, the traitors.

* * *

Lily would have never seen this coming in a million years, but in the past few weeks, she seemed to have become an honorary Marauder. And she was enjoying it.

She hadn't planned to get sucked into the Prank War (which she found she had begun mentally capitalizing, apparently having picked up the habit from the others), but somehow she had become a part of it anyway. She'd already been pranked by all the Marauders, and she was ready to enact the revenge she'd promised.

And, if she said so herself, she thought her plan was pretty damn good.

Unlike the girls' dormitory, the boys' dormitory was open to people of all genders. Lily crept up the stairs, casting her spell when she entered the room on tiptoe. She grinned widely as she saw it take effect and settled down in one of the chairs, snagging one of Remus' textbooks and waiting for the inevitable realization on the boys' part.

"Hmm… Lily!" James shrieked, jerking upright in bed as he caught sight of Lily on the chair. She wiggled her fingers in a cheeky wave. He shielded his eyes. "What's so bright?"

"What's going on?" Remus asked, rolling over to face James in bed. "And would someone turn off the bloody lights?"

"It's not the lights," Sirius replied, sitting up and frowning. "They're off."

"Look up," Peter recommended grimly. The boys all did so, seeing the spotlights trained on them.

"They'll follow you around the school all day long," Lily told the boys, closing the textbook in her lap and putting it back in Remus' pile. "And that's not all. You should look in the mirror."

Sirius was the first one to jerk to his feet, racing to the mirror.

Remus looked around the dormitory and groaned. "Lily, please tell me you didn't."

"You got rid of my hair, Lupin," Lily retorted. "This is fair payback."

"Evans," James asked tentatively, "am I wearing the same sort of makeup as Remus and Peter?"

"Can we wash it off?" Peter asked, skipping James' stupid question.

Lily scoffed. "What do you think I am, an amateur?"

Sirius walked back into the dormitory, frowning. "Okay, the overall stage makeup thing is a bit much, and the spotlight doesn't help, but I actually look really good with eyeliner."

Remus let out a low keening noise and buried his face in his pillow. Lily stood and patted him on the back, grinning. "Payback, gentlemen. Revenge is oh so sweet."

"Well, all's fair in love and war, as they say," Sirius said, smirking. James fumbled for his wand furiously.

"Sirius, you greatly overestimate how much I care for you," Lily retorted. Peter giggled.

Sirius shrugged, striking a pose. "You seem pretty focused on me, honestly. I'm not sure I believe you, Evans."

"Why am I friends with any of you?" Remus moaned.

"Oi!" Lily cried, whirling on him. "You dragged me into all of this, Remus Lupin, so don't you dare try and back out now!"

" _I_  dragged you into this?" Remus protested, looking hilariously outraged with the extravagant makeup on his face. "Who turned whom into a girl, pray tell?"

"That was  _you_?" Sirius demanded. " _Damn_ , Evans, that was  _awesome._ "

"Flattery will get you no where," Lily replied, smirking, "You're still going to class with that makeup on. And those spotlights."

"You're terrible," Remus groaned.

"We really don't look too bad," Peter offered from the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. "It could be much worse."

"Shut up, Wormtail," Sirius called. Noting that James had barely said a word, Lily winked at him, deriving great amusement from how red he turned, and sashayed out of the room.

The Marauders loved being the center of attention. Lily had just made sure that there was no way anyone wouldn't see them.

**Author's Note:**

> My writing tumblr is [here](http://winterskywrites.tumblr.com/), if you're interested.


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